Worst playing / surprisingly bad pub fruits and why...

[slotsmagic]

Note - I'm avoiding the £70/£100 era as in my opinion they are basically all garbage. I'm playing older layouts, for nostalgia / the hope of a better game.

My current choices :

1) JPM Megabucks £15 

I used to have one of these local, and don't remember it being too bad, but in the emulator it's an awful pile of crap, despite what I assume is a decent percentage. Possibly a case of rose-tinted specs when I used to play it, or could be the emulated version is some awful chip?

I'd recommend someone play it, to see if they have the same thoughts - there's a great DX layout released by @vectra666 a few years back.

https://www.desertislandfruits.com/forum/index.php?/files/file/1338-mega-bucks-£15-dx/

Why is it so bad? There's so many things. The machine is designed to look like an upgrade to earlier JPM games, it's a normal start to end (not a lapper) feature, with bigger award ladders. It's got a 'SUPER' upgrade which is bloody rare, and upgrades features, cash and knockouts. It's got a top feature at the end of the trail.

But -

1) The feature board. It's end-to-end and is far too kill-happy, even at the bottom of the trail.

2) It's totally unforgiving - and it might just be me and my failing reactions as I get older, but it feels like skill-stops on the feature trail jump. If they do seem to jump, and you miss a jackpot, the next spin is almost certainly death. No second chances.

3) The 'arrows' which light up at the beginning of the feature, and can be added to via 'xtra arrow', have absolutely eff-all value. Each arrow acts as a 'hi-lo' to the next level of the board. But the gambles are so brutal I'd say the only safe numbers are 1 and 12.

4) It's such a brutal, block happy game that I can't see any way to take value out of it, it just feels like a constant run of blocks, before it does an easy board with the blocks off and repeats a few times, or it does something like chuck in a Fireman's Lift off the red boxes and it repeats a few times.

5) The top feature - much like the arrows the machine likes to tease the player by lighting a 'random' amount of the required 8 symbols to trigger the top. But it's all academic as you are more likely to get a the jackpot via a roll-in, good use of SUPER upgrades, or something like a Fireman's Lift. 

Compared to other JPMs in the same era, like £15 jackpot Thunderbirds, Viva Rock Vegas e.t.c., this feels totally nerfed. I wonder if it was a case of them taking a winning formula and ultimately ending up having patched it up so many times they destroyed it?

-----

2) Barcrest Smash Martians £25

This one surprised me. I'd never played it out and about in real life but figured I'd give it a quick session, nice layout from @kutjebef if needed :

https://www.desertislandfruits.com/forum/index.php?/files/file/1292-smash-martians-£25-barcrest/

Ended up taking £130 to cave for an IM, which paid a £42 Mega Streak. Next board, also went IM, another £42 Mega Streak.

Very odd coding, not what I expected from a Barcrest of this era. A much more progressive game than Megabucks, but then a massive hard block on the Mega. I expected a much more casual, fun game than ending up balls-deep into a machine I expected to be a fairly safe force. It just blocked board after board, with a rigid block around the £15/£25 area, for ages, before caving.

I did end up getting back to percentage, but absolutely shocked that a Barcrest, that offered JP (knocked back pushing for the Mega Streak) within the first £20 would then take an additional £110 to give the Mega. I used to feel Barcrest were a safer option, albeit often with £75 streak potential that obviously would have to be saved up for somehow.

I was never a big fan of games that looked like Cash Bang Wallop / Full of Beans, even though I'm sure there was something on early ones (a free win?). But this was a shocker. It owed loads, why do two identical £42 Mega Streaks? Machines of this era could easily do £75 tops. It feels like an artificial cap, and a bloody weird value to pick.

Anyway, rant over. Despite how it may sound I'm really enjoying playing MFME again at the moment after a small break. Reminds me of just how crap some machines are.

Would be nice to hear from machines in MFME that surprise others with their crapness, especially if it also comes to machines you'd think would be safer!!

Also happy to hear from people telling me 'you are playing them wrong!' and similar  

 

 

Edited December 1, 2025 by slotsmagic

[logopolis]

Mega Bucks was always one of the very worst JPMS. It was always a great sight to see that thin red cabinet through a pub window but hopes were dashed when it turned out to be Mega Bucks!

[vectra666]

The like s of mpu4 flash cash and clones 

they’d take a age to fill action cash up and most features you win 10p repeat for another 10p but I still played em but lost loads unless you catch the flash cash feature apart from that they were shit 

[MikeyMonster]

1 hour ago, slotsmagic said:

Note - I'm avoiding the £70/£100 era as in my opinion they are basically all garbage. I'm playing older layouts, for nostalgia / the hope of a better game.

My current choices :

1) JPM Megabucks £15 

I used to have one of these local, and don't remember it being too bad, but in the emulator it's an awful pile of crap, despite what I assume is a decent percentage. Possibly a case of rose-tinted specs when I used to play it, or could be the emulated version is some awful chip?

I'd recommend someone play it, to see if they have the same thoughts - there's a great DX layout released by @vectra666 a few years back.

https://www.desertislandfruits.com/forum/index.php?/files/file/1338-mega-bucks-£15-dx/

Why is it so bad? There's so many things. The machine is designed to look like an upgrade to earlier JPM games, it's a normal start to end (not a lapper) feature, with bigger award ladders. It's got a 'SUPER' upgrade which is bloody rare, and upgrades features, cash and knockouts. It's got a top feature at the end of the trail.

But -

1) The feature board. It's end-to-end and is far too kill-happy, even at the bottom of the trail.

2) It's totally unforgiving - and it might just be me and my failing reactions as I get older, but it feels like skill-stops on the feature trail jump. If they do seem to jump, and you miss a jackpot, the next spin is almost certainly death. No second chances.

3) The 'arrows' which light up at the beginning of the feature, and can be added to via 'xtra arrow', have absolutely eff-all value. Each arrow acts as a 'hi-lo' to the next level of the board. But the gambles are so brutal I'd say the only safe numbers are 1 and 12.

4) It's such a brutal, block happy game that I can't see any way to take value out of it, it just feels like a constant run of blocks, before it does an easy board with the blocks off and repeats a few times, or it does something like chuck in a Fireman's Lift off the red boxes and it repeats a few times.

5) The top feature - much like the arrows the machine likes to tease the player by lighting a 'random' amount of the required 8 symbols to trigger the top. But it's all academic as you are more likely to get a the jackpot via a roll-in, good use of SUPER upgrades, or something like a Fireman's Lift. 

Compared to other JPMs in the same era, like £15 jackpot Thunderbirds, Viva Rock Vegas e.t.c., this feels totally nerfed. I wonder if it was a case of them taking a winning formula and ultimately ending up having patched it up so many times they destroyed it?

-----

2) Barcrest Smash Martians £25

This one surprised me. I'd never played it out and about in real life but figured I'd give it a quick session, nice layout from @kutjebef if needed :

https://www.desertislandfruits.com/forum/index.php?/files/file/1292-smash-martians-£25-barcrest/

Ended up taking £130 to cave for an IM, which paid a £42 Mega Streak. Next board, also went IM, another £42 Mega Streak.

Very odd coding, not what I expected from a Barcrest of this era. A much more progressive game than Megabucks, but then a massive hard block on the Mega. I expected a much more casual, fun game than ending up balls-deep into a machine I expected to be a fairly safe force. It just blocked board after board, with a rigid block around the £15/£25 area, for ages, before caving.

I did end up getting back to percentage, but absolutely shocked that a Barcrest, that offered JP (knocked back pushing for the Mega Streak) within the first £20 would then take an additional £110 to give the Mega. I used to feel Barcrest were a safer option, albeit often with £75 streak potential that obviously would have to be saved up for somehow.

I was never a big fan of games that looked like Cash Bang Wallop / Full of Beans, even though I'm sure there was something on early ones (a free win?). But this was a shocker. It owed loads, why do two identical £42 Mega Streaks? Machines of this era could easily do £75 tops. It feels like an artificial cap, and a bloody weird value to pick.

Anyway, rant over. Despite how it may sound I'm really enjoying playing MFME again at the moment after a small break. Reminds me of just how crap some machines are.

Would be nice to hear from machines in MFME that surprise others with their crapness, especially if it also comes to machines you'd think would be safer!!

Also happy to hear from people telling me 'you are playing them wrong!' and similar  

 

 

I sessioned Meggabucks the other note - and yep - its garbage IMO.

Seems to be next to no progressiveness in it - so like most JPMs a force, not good - BUT seems to be no other way to get any value out of the thing. Evil Nastiness.

 

49 minutes ago, vectra666 said:

The like s of mpu4 flash cash and clones 

they’d take a age to fill action cash up and most features you win 10p repeat for another 10p but I still played em but lost loads unless you catch the flash cash feature apart from that they were shit 

I like these, always did IRL - i have had one of them do 7 repeats in the emulator - a juicy £16! Seriously though, if I had ever had this backn late 80s, early 90s, I was still disciplined enough to run away to the local book shop  

[woodsy]

megabucks was a gobble game, similar but not as playable as g-force. as in take every £2.40 + etc and wait for a decent super nudge spinner etc. imo the worst jpm with a similar jp game was pinball wizard, always gave me a harsh time despite its similarities to maximium overdrive.

the megabucks we have is nothing like the ones i played, same with hotpots, roll in jp too eagerly.

the flintstones yabba dabba dough was awful, again nudge spinner being the only saviour, coliseum and s breakout, obvs lucky touch and big's but the layout had potential for a greater game imo

instant millioanaire, and bwb super soccer etc, great when ready but dog poor otherwise, sadly games that upon release would've been really fun but had been on site for 20 years etc, like the palace pier with make amillion and bullseye, dr who and the like, years of rechips and rom alterations leaving them a husk of their true selves, games that had once been enjoyable now corrupted and played bizarrely to a casual but like clockwork to a regular, glitches etc, a few examples.

apollo 9 5p £5 dreadful no features and then a mystery win off cherries lightin jp on the trail.

the gambler by empire not being able to lose on a 7 hi-lo.

indy final crack the whip, jink the start button and eventually awards the top.

andy capp, hyper viper despite having £6t jp'd solely spinning 4's &9'S showing us it can only pay xash wins.

eureka only giving jp by 3 holds.

there are so many out there, thats before the players info on them, imagine playing a cash lab and never getting past 80p, or a spotted edick thats on it's arse etc.. 

Edited December 2, 2025 by woodsy

[stevedude2]

12 hours ago, logopolis said:

Mega Bucks was always one of the very worst JPMS. It was always a great sight to see that thin red cabinet through a pub window but hopes were dashed when it turned out to be Mega Bucks!

There was also that JPM Casino Las Vegas game in the Vogue cabinet, which was a bit like Sonic the Hedgehog but with every single vestige of skill and excitement removed.  My word that game was bland.

Edited December 2, 2025 by stevedude2

[slotsmagic]

13 hours ago, logopolis said:

Mega Bucks was always one of the very worst JPMS. It was always a great sight to see that thin red cabinet through a pub window but hopes were dashed when it turned out to be Mega Bucks!

It's a weird one, isn't it? I don't remember it being too bad, in the local pub, but then I would have been 15/16 or so and we didn't really have (many) pro players out in the sticks and it seemed happier to give IMs and stuff than in the emulator, despite this layout being 86%.

Must be those rose-tinted specs again I reckon  

13 hours ago, vectra666 said:

The like s of mpu4 flash cash and clones 

they’d take a age to fill action cash up and most features you win 10p repeat for another 10p but I still played em but lost loads unless you catch the flash cash feature apart from that they were shit 

Little bit before my time but I'll give these a blast later to see how bad they are

12 hours ago, MikeyMonster said:

I sessioned Meggabucks the other note - and yep - its garbage IMO.

Seems to be next to no progressiveness in it - so like most JPMs a force, not good - BUT seems to be no other way to get any value out of the thing. Evil Nastiness.

---

I like these, always did IRL - i have had one of them do 7 repeats in the emulator - a juicy £16! Seriously though, if I had ever had this backn late 80s, early 90s, I was still disciplined enough to run away to the local book shop  

I just don't remember it as being that crap, but clearly it is. Bloody awful game  

As for the old Barcrests you also replied about does show how we have different experiences and opinions! 

10 hours ago, woodsy said:

megabucks was a gobble game, similar but not as playable as g-force. as in take every £2.40 + etc and wait for a decent super nudge spinner etc. imo the worst jpm with a similar jp game was pinball wizard, always gave me a harsh time despite its similarities to maximium overdrive.

the megabucks we have is nothing like the ones i played, same with hotpots, roll in jp too eagerly.

the flintstones yabba dabba dough was awful, again nudge spinner being the only saviour, coliseum and s breakout, obvs lucky touch and big's but the layout had potential for a greater game imo

instant millioanaire, and bwb super soccer etc, great when ready but dog poor otherwise, sadly games that upon release would've been really fun but had been on site for 20 years etc, like the palace pier with make amillion and bullseye, dr who and the like, years of rechips and rom alterations leaving them a husk of their true selves, games that had once been enjoyable now corrupted and played bizarrely to a casual but like clockwork to a regular, glitches etc, a few examples.

apollo 9 5p £5 dreadful no features and then a mystery win off cherries lightin jp on the trail.

the gambler by empire not being able to lose on a 7 hi-lo.

indy final crack the whip, jink the start button and eventually awards the top.

andy capp, hyper viper despite having £6t jp'd solely spinning 4's &9'S showing us it can only pay xash wins.

eureka only giving jp by 3 holds.

there are so many out there, thats before the players info on them, imagine playing a cash lab and never getting past 80p, or a spotted edick thats on it's arse etc.. 

I used to get my arse handed to me by the Pinball Wizard in the local kebab shops... But I also had no idea of how to really play JPMs back then as that really was when I first started out as a solo player  

Yes I recall those BWBs being utter shite. We did have a couple locally and don't think they lasted long, probably as most pubs wouldn't have covered the lease on them. Quiet village pubs, and if machines were shite they generally didn't last long as there weren't enough regular players, once someone realised a game was shit it sat there and never got played.

I'll have to give some of the others you mentioned a blast to see how I get on

1 hour ago, stevedude2 said:

There was also that JPM Casino Las Vegas game in the Vogue cabinet, which was a bit like Sonic the Hedgehog but with every single vestige of skill and excitement removed.  My word that game was bland.

Does seem to be the same old story - a new game comes out and is good, and with each chip, then clone of the chipped version, there's another even more nerfed version just around the corner - even tighter, more control.

That feels like the issue with Megabucks. Although I also generally didn't like end-to-end games once we go past the £6 era, they just didn't suit the £15 era.

Edited December 2, 2025 by slotsmagic

[thealteredemu]

JPM totally altered the profile in later machines they just became fairly generic and flat.  Even later machines became BFM machines, force for a jackpot and hope to trigger the saved for streak.

Vinda loot and all those games.

J

[Boulderdash]

The £2/£4 barcrests like Top Tenner were surely some of the worst, yet they took far too much off me as a student in 1989.

Playing them again now I struggle to see why I persevered - basically it's a slow death hoping for the once in a blue moon £2 repeat to go four or five times. I could easily lose a tenner in one, and given that beer was at most £1 that's a heavy loss!

[thealteredemu]

Yeah those machines seemed flat, around 1990 onwards those saved for streaks started appearing and they changed the whole fruit machine landscape in my opinion.

J

[TommyH]

The Big Cheese - 30p play machine. Seemed to have a block at a fiver on the board that if you got offered it twice and didn't take it, tough shit, dead if it wasn't in the mood to pay.

I'm going to have to hammer it at some point to see if my memory is correct or middle-age has made me think of it too badly.

 

[thealteredemu]

You just have to force the Big Cheese, past the block until it’s jackpot ready. There were ways to get the jackpot a little quicker but early chips were better later chips you basically came out with an invincible board.  It was all about the saves for streak on these barcrests.

J

[thealteredemu]

The Big Cheese is very progressive.

J

[logopolis]

Golden Hold was the shortcut to jackpot. You could collect the win on the line instead of exchanging for feature if the jackpot was too far away to set up for Golden Hold.

[shaun2097]

Maygay`s Fruit Explosion, (or was it Fruit Preserve?) on the "impossible to win a jackpot" ROM. (i cant remember the exact ROM ver)

Edited December 2, 2025 by shaun2097

[MikeyMonster]

4 hours ago, TommyH said:

The Big Cheese - 30p play machine. Seemed to have a block at a fiver on the board that if you got offered it twice and didn't take it, tough shit, dead if it wasn't in the mood to pay.

I'm going to have to hammer it at some point to see if my memory is correct or middle-age has made me think of it too badly.

 

And clones - and there were 3/4 of them..... 

[woodsy]

6 hours ago, TommyH said:

The Big Cheese - 30p play machine. Seemed to have a block at a fiver on the board that if you got offered it twice and didn't take it, tough shit, dead if it wasn't in the mood to pay.

I'm going to have to hammer it at some point to see if my memory is correct or middle-age has made me think of it too badly.

 

 

4 hours ago, shaun2097 said:

Maygay`s Fruit Explosion, (or was it Fruit Preserve?) on the "impossible to win a jackpot" ROM. (i cant remember the exact ROM ver)

 

1 hour ago, MikeyMonster said:

And clones - and there were 3/4 of them..... 

superstar and a spitfire one maybe?

fruit explosion yes, similar to many maygay blocks, this is all before spinning is taken into account, impulses like gridrunner and wipeout, £5 variants had some bizarre events

I'll never forget or forgive; went into a town centre arcade with my last few quid, played a jackpot junction, flashed first board and went £75, done the pick yer pesos quickly next and then thought i'd try a board on ooh ah dracula, thinking at worst £8 before a forced roll in, but no £47 later for a 2 press board, and forced removal from the premises in a meltdown. 

that was cruel after such luck

Edited December 3, 2025 by woodsy

[slotsmagic]

A few of you have mentioned Big Cheese and clones. I've probably mentioned elsewhere about the time I got absolutely shafted by High Flyer, which I guess is the Spitfire themed one referred to above. You also had Super Star, Top Dog, Hot Rocks and possibly more.

The High Flyer was ridiculous. I can remember the exact location (O'Neills in Peterborough, opposite the Wetherspoons on Broadway). I remember it being incredibly frustrating. Totally unwilling to go through blocks. Didn't help that my college friends were waiting for me to sit with them and got so tired of waiting they walked off without me (can hardly blame them!!).

Unlike the mess about I had with Smash Martians at the beginning of the thread - it wasn't like I was knocking back jackpots or owt, it just didn't seem willing to go past a fiver or so despite me being a good £100 in at some point I'm sure.

But, swings and roundabouts, despite swearing off that machine and it's clones, I did later put £5 into a Big Cheese in a pub, and it gave back to back IMs and I think it paid £75. So I guess that's what they saved for.

Still maintain they were shit though  

Edited December 3, 2025 by slotsmagic

[MikeyMonster]

9 hours ago, woodsy said:

 

 

superstar and a spitfire one maybe?

 

I'll never forget or forgive; went into a town centre arcade with my last few quid, played a jackpot junction, flashed first board and went £75, done the pick yer pesos quickly next and then thought i'd try a board on ooh ah dracula, thinking at worst £8 before a forced roll in, but no £47 later for a 2 press board, and forced removal from the premises in a meltdown. 

 

Those two and Top Dog? (definitely dog based0

 

Ohh ahh Dracula..... did exact same to me when we hit a locals pub late on a Sunday evening..... the only 2 at the bar were sat watching. sniggering - presumably having just had £45... It Dropped and boarded on pound £46 for as you said an instant kill...

2nd board, £3 later  - flash, 3 repeats, £10 profit...... 

One of my luckier escapes. 

 

[thealteredemu]

We used to play all these in the pubs.  Big Cheese would often have a fairly cheap golden hold jackpot.  As long as the board was offering £4 it was usually there and chance of the streak.  Regular punters wouldn’t necessarily force these out so they were decent enough for a seasoned player.

J

[Cavey]

20 hours ago, Boulderdash said:

The £2/£4 barcrests like Top Tenner were surely some of the worst, yet they took far too much off me as a student in 1989.

Playing them again now I struggle to see why I persevered - basically it's a slow death hoping for the once in a blue moon £2 repeat to go four or five times. I could easily lose a tenner in one, and given that beer was at most £1 that's a heavy loss!

The very first one - "All Cash Advance" I think (when on initial release chip at least) - was a great game. The alpha even said "you have a fair chance to go all the way" [to the tenner in cash after the maximum allowed 4 repeats], and it usually repeated at least once or twice. This was also the first time "action nudges" made their appearance IIRC, but these weren't quite the number taunting shitbags as per the later games.

Barcrest obviously realised they were onto a winner with this mechanic, which among other things enabled them to (legitimately) plaster images of £5 and £10 notes all over the glasses of their machines (in stark contrast to what Bacta permitted previous to that AFAIK/IIRC), and also hooked players into the "sunken cost fallacy" of Action Nudges - no one (mistakenly in many cases) left a machine with any nudges lit for the next player.

The later machines were REALLY brutal. Did anyone (apart from pluggers) ever make a bean on them, ever? Tight as a duck's arse, and awful forced-collect small wins gameplay so typical of Barcrests of the era. Real spawn of the devil type stuff.

These must've made operators a bloody fortune back in the day. Wouldn't be surprised if the twats never made RTP, neither. Brrr.

[Chopaholic]

1 hour ago, Cavey said:

 

These must've made operators a bloody fortune back in the day. Wouldn't be surprised if the twats never made RTP, neither. Brrr.

They do keep to percentage, the problem is with 'standard' percentages of the day they'll just grind you out against that 74% or whatever it is and make it borderline impossible to ever win.

@Boulderdash has put some serious play into Top Tenner and outside of the (very!) rare big(ish) repeater on the £2, they're death by a thousand cuts. Well, probably not even that many cuts.

Low RTPs and low volatility are a pretty toxic combination.

[Cavey]

Ah ok Chopley, fair enough, thanks for the definitive info mate

My shitty, fading memory seems to recall that the related clubbers like Club Action Cash did not necessarily make RTP though - or perhaps it was just such an unbearably shit, teasing game that was the issue.

Did I mention these were SHITE?  

[Cavey]

.

Edited December 3, 2025 by Cavey
Oops wrong thread

[thealteredemu]

Yeah those games with the action nudges that are saved were literally shark machines.  I grew up on these machines, they aren’t great but by no means the worst machines.

One of my favourites from back in the day was Barcrest Top the Lot, with the 1.50 repeat chance.  Think it was called top the lot.  That could repeat a fair few times.

J